Midnight Musings

Alhamdulilah. All praise is due to Allah.

For so long there was so much uncertainty in my life. And although there will always be uncertainty, I have reached a state of stability that I had only ever dreamed of. The past few years have been some of the most difficult of my life. However, the past twelve months, despite the difficulties of change, have served as a saving grace. Some moments were bittersweet, but sweet, nevertheless. And each one plays a crucial role to my future.

Most importantly, I have proved to myself, first and foremost, that I am capable. I have harbored so much doubt over the years, that I often questioned my potential. God has graced me with confidence in my work, in my education, and in every aspect of myself, that was never there before. He has allowed the tears of the past few years to clear my vision so I see the world as I do now–terribly magnificent.

–IH

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Midnight Musings

Sometimes I fear writing on this blog because if I share too much information about myself, even if the number of readers is small, then I risk:

  1. Losing my humility: I like to keep to myself a lot. When I work hard for something, I do it quietly and it only becomes public when there is no way of hiding it. I try my best to do everything for His sake and I fear that talking about it, in person and on this platform, may seem to others that I am showing off. I put a lot of effort in making my intentions pure and I do not want to tarnish that.
    May Allah allow everything I do to be done with pure intentions and may He always remind me to be humble while being confident.
  2. Being vulnerable: sharing too much of my personal life causes me to put my guard down and makes me feel defenseless. I have written multiple times about this subject and I have learned from Brene Brown in her book, Rising Strong, that showing vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. I have improved a lot with this aspect in my personal life, and in the past few months, that has been reflected in some of the topics that I have chosen to write about on this blog. My blog entires have lessened recently and a big part of that is that I have been going through a lot of major changes and sharing my feelings, my struggles, my emotions regarding all of these new changes will cause me to be vulnerable and that scares the crap out of me. Even sharing this bit about vulnerability is terrifying, but I’m working on it.

My goal: balance my humility and vulnerability so that I can share my life, through writing, personal conversations, and beyond, without compromising either. I know that comes with understanding of my own limits and of the true meaning of both. May God ease this task and allow me to be successful in achieving humility and confidence in my vulnerability.

–IH