Midnight Musings

Sometimes I fear writing on this blog because if I share too much information about myself, even if the number of readers is small, then I risk:

  1. Losing my humility: I like to keep to myself a lot. When I work hard for something, I do it quietly and it only becomes public when there is no way of hiding it. I try my best to do everything for His sake and I fear that talking about it, in person and on this platform, may seem to others that I am showing off. I put a lot of effort in making my intentions pure and I do not want to tarnish that.
    May Allah allow everything I do to be done with pure intentions and may He always remind me to be humble while being confident.
  2. Being vulnerable: sharing too much of my personal life causes me to put my guard down and makes me feel defenseless. I have written multiple times about this subject and I have learned from Brene Brown in her book, Rising Strong, that showing vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. I have improved a lot with this aspect in my personal life, and in the past few months, that has been reflected in some of the topics that I have chosen to write about on this blog. My blog entires have lessened recently and a big part of that is that I have been going through a lot of major changes and sharing my feelings, my struggles, my emotions regarding all of these new changes will cause me to be vulnerable and that scares the crap out of me. Even sharing this bit about vulnerability is terrifying, but I’m working on it.

My goal: balance my humility and vulnerability so that I can share my life, through writing, personal conversations, and beyond, without compromising either. I know that comes with understanding of my own limits and of the true meaning of both. May God ease this task and allow me to be successful in achieving humility and confidence in my vulnerability.

–IH

Adulting is Hard

 

This year, 2016, is a year I have looked forward to for a long, long time. It is the year that I  graduate from grad school; the year I start my big girl job; the year I move back home. And as much as I have been looking forward to this year, as much as the past few years have been truly difficult and life-draining and as many times as I prayed, through tears, that this year would come as easily and painlessly as possible, I find that I am very terrified for everything to come. School, the only consistent feature of my life thus far, will no longer be a part of my life. I can no longer use the shield of school to protect me from my adultness.

The sad, scary truth is that I’m an adult and there is no way around it. Adulthood came quickly and unexpectedly and after years of being dependent on others, financially and otherwise, I am expected to be independent. Just like that, I am thrown into the world, feeling overwhelmed by all the brand new changes I am about to experience. My fears are a result of the new array of responsibilities I have, of continued pity (read more about that here), messing up, and ultimately fear of losing the element of learning in my life, which can result in the loss of purpose and direction, if not dealt with properly.

I realize that I am blessed to have worries such as these. And I realize that despite how independent I am expected to be, my true dependence lies on God. I find comfort in knowing that He will guide these new challenges, and when I think this way, my fears turn to excitement and empowerment. I know He’s got my back, inshAllah. I pray that He allows me to develop a schedule that will allow for life learning beyond my career and that He grants me people in my life who will push me towards Him and towards success. That He gives me the strength, patience, and guidance to create a new life that will sustain me spiritually and push me towards becoming a better human in every regard, inshAllah.

وَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ ۚ وَكَفَىٰ بِاللَّهِ وَكِيلًا

And rely upon Allah; and Sufficient is Allah as Disposer of affairs.

[Quran 33:3]

-IH

Dimensions of Me

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Justice?

A few days ago, I was reading the second chapter of the Quran–Surat Albaqarah–a chapter that I have been intensively studying and one that I have read many times. In verse 18 of this chapter, God says: صُمٌّ بُكْمٌ عُمْيٌ فَهُمْ … Continue reading

For You

I pray you find comfort in every situation. That God guides your difficulties and brings you ease in your hardships. I pray that fear, anxiety and doubt  are eliminated from your heart; that God guides you towards righteousness; that He blesses you with great people in your life who will remind you of Him and bring you closer to Him. I pray that He gives you success from means you would have never expected, and that He grants you ultimate happiness. The type of happiness that keeps you up at night from excitement. And I pray that this happiness extends to the akhira.

To everyone reading this, this is for you. Please share it, spread the love, and make this duaa for others.

10 years.

Last month marked ten years since my family picked up and moved across the world. We left our Illinois home and moved to Jordan where we lived for three years in what seemed like another world. Though I knew how … Continue reading