Counting Coins

A poem I wrote almost exactly two years ago, while in my last year of grad school. Seeing a couple give their savings for their own healthcare as the provider stood by waiting for the gains, hit me me harder than I would have ever imagined. –IH

You stood in line in front of me
Wearing your old, blue baseball cap
You began digging for something I couldn’t see
But soon I learned it was a map

But not the kind with cities and roads
to help you find your way home.
No it was a secret code.
You see, we palpate lymph nodes
Enter codes
In radiology we learn about the cathodes
And their role
in making a diagnosis
We look for oral pathosis

But to you none of that matters

Because this map you carry
Disguised in wads of hundred dollar bills
All meant for the woman you chose to marry
In your journey together going uphill
You were working to fulfill
her health needs as he drilled
and filled
with his meticulous hand skills

And I could tell–
Because your wife wore a spring jacket
in the dead of winter–
that you were humble
Your words were but a mumble
And in his mind I heard the rumble
And my heart began to crumble
Because like Ms. Trunchbull
He didn’t understand this mumbo jumbo

of being a hard worker.
As merely an observer
I knew you had to persevere
to get to this point, right here
And the fact that he simply doesn’t care
Is not fair
and why am I choking back tears

Over you,
A stranger I have never spoken to?

But he is privileged,
Never worked for a dime
Got what he wanted every time
It came to him as effortlessly as this rhyme
Because he had the time
and money to learn about the enzyme
that breaks down GI chyme
never had to worry about the climb

to monetary success
and I guess
that this puts me in distress
Because I know what it takes to progress
And I must confess
that this brings memories suppressed

of that time I was asked to join
As they sat there counting coins.




Midnight Musings

Sometimes I fear writing on this blog because if I share too much information about myself, even if the number of readers is small, then I risk:

  1. Losing my humility: I like to keep to myself a lot. When I work hard for something, I do it quietly and it only becomes public when there is no way of hiding it. I try my best to do everything for His sake and I fear that talking about it, in person and on this platform, may seem to others that I am showing off. I put a lot of effort in making my intentions pure and I do not want to tarnish that.
    May Allah allow everything I do to be done with pure intentions and may He always remind me to be humble while being confident.
  2. Being vulnerable: sharing too much of my personal life causes me to put my guard down and makes me feel defenseless. I have written multiple times about this subject and I have learned from Brene Brown in her book, Rising Strong, that showing vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. I have improved a lot with this aspect in my personal life, and in the past few months, that has been reflected in some of the topics that I have chosen to write about on this blog. My blog entires have lessened recently and a big part of that is that I have been going through a lot of major changes and sharing my feelings, my struggles, my emotions regarding all of these new changes will cause me to be vulnerable and that scares the crap out of me. Even sharing this bit about vulnerability is terrifying, but I’m working on it.

My goal: balance my humility and vulnerability so that I can share my life, through writing, personal conversations, and beyond, without compromising either. I know that comes with understanding of my own limits and of the true meaning of both. May God ease this task and allow me to be successful in achieving humility and confidence in my vulnerability.


Sunday Morning Musings 2

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