Exposed

I write a lot about trusting God because it is something I am consistently working towards and struggling with. I worry a lot and worry is a sign that I am not trusting Him. In her book, Rising Strong, Brene Brown discusses that vulnerability requires courage and that it is an important step in rising from a fall. So que cringeworthy vulnerability as I admit, this constant struggle with trusting God shows a lack of faith on my part. I know that trusting Him should be second nature. I should not have to think twice and I should not be worried knowing that my life is in His hands. And sometimes that is the case. Some days it is easier than others because that is the nature of our vulnerable, little human hearts. But on the days when the struggle is too real, I am required to turn to Him even more. And when my fears are relieved and my stresses settle and I see the fruits of God’s blessings, my trust in Him grows. But along with that renewed feeling trust, I feel a sense of guilt in not trusting Him before I saw said results. I feel guilty for believing, even for a second, that I was in control. Because I never was. It was always Him.

As I’m ending a significant chapter in my life and entering a new stage of adulthood (how exactly did I become closer to 30 than 20?), I am learning a lot about myself and about the people I trust most on this earth. Last year brought many feelings of betrayal from people of different levels of importance to me. But it seems that the ones that impacted me the most were those who I have known the longest and trusted the most. In those situations, the hurt was fierce, but at the end of the day I blame myself for allowing another imperfect human, like myself, power over my life. True trust belongs to the One who will never betray me and always be there for me. But like the renewed sense of trust I got from seeing God build me up when I doubted most, I got an equal, if not greater, sense of trust in Him when He sent others to tear me down. Alhamdulilah. All praise is due to Him.

I pray:

Oh Turner of hearts, keep my heart steadfast on your religion.

يَا مُقَلِّبَ الْقُلُوبِ ثَبِّتْ قَلْبِى عَلَى دِينِكَ

 

–IH

Dimensions of Me

The fact that I am writing to you in English already falsifies what I wanted to tell you. My subject: how to explain to you that I don’t belong to English though I belong nowhere else -Gustavo Perez Firmat As … Continue reading

Look Up

My experience yesterday reminded me of a video I saw about a year ago. It also goes along with our theme of the month: Appreciating Others. On the phone in the middle of a conversation with my friend, I walked into … Continue reading

Justice?

A few days ago, I was reading the second chapter of the Quran–Surat Albaqarah–a chapter that I have been intensively studying and one that I have read many times. In verse 18 of this chapter, God says: صُمٌّ بُكْمٌ عُمْيٌ فَهُمْ … Continue reading

A Peek into thy Gold

Thee shall not escape my mind, Closest people to I, Thou hold my heart thou always pumped. Faces of thee now am I able to connect with thy names, And finally embraceth thee, a virtual floating head no longer. Enveloped in … Continue reading

For You

I pray you find comfort in every situation. That God guides your difficulties and brings you ease in your hardships. I pray that fear, anxiety and doubt  are eliminated from your heart; that God guides you towards righteousness; that He blesses you with great people in your life who will remind you of Him and bring you closer to Him. I pray that He gives you success from means you would have never expected, and that He grants you ultimate happiness. The type of happiness that keeps you up at night from excitement. And I pray that this happiness extends to the akhira.

To everyone reading this, this is for you. Please share it, spread the love, and make this duaa for others.

10 years.

Last month marked ten years since my family picked up and moved across the world. We left our Illinois home and moved to Jordan where we lived for three years in what seemed like another world. Though I knew how … Continue reading