Midnight Musings

Alhamdulilah. All praise is due to Allah.

For so long there was so much uncertainty in my life. And although there will always be uncertainty, I have reached a state of stability that I had only ever dreamed of. The past few years have been some of the most difficult of my life. However, the past twelve months, despite the difficulties of change, have served as a saving grace. Some moments were bittersweet, but sweet, nevertheless. And each one plays a crucial role to my future.

Most importantly, I have proved to myself, first and foremost, that I am capable. I have harbored so much doubt over the years, that I often questioned my potential. God has graced me with confidence in my work, in my education, and in every aspect of myself, that was never there before. He has allowed the tears of the past few years to clear my vision so I see the world as I do now–terribly magnificent.

–IH

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Midnight Musings

Sometimes I fear writing on this blog because if I share too much information about myself, even if the number of readers is small, then I risk:

  1. Losing my humility: I like to keep to myself a lot. When I work hard for something, I do it quietly and it only becomes public when there is no way of hiding it. I try my best to do everything for His sake and I fear that talking about it, in person and on this platform, may seem to others that I am showing off. I put a lot of effort in making my intentions pure and I do not want to tarnish that.
    May Allah allow everything I do to be done with pure intentions and may He always remind me to be humble while being confident.
  2. Being vulnerable: sharing too much of my personal life causes me to put my guard down and makes me feel defenseless. I have written multiple times about this subject and I have learned from Brene Brown in her book, Rising Strong, that showing vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. I have improved a lot with this aspect in my personal life, and in the past few months, that has been reflected in some of the topics that I have chosen to write about on this blog. My blog entires have lessened recently and a big part of that is that I have been going through a lot of major changes and sharing my feelings, my struggles, my emotions regarding all of these new changes will cause me to be vulnerable and that scares the crap out of me. Even sharing this bit about vulnerability is terrifying, but I’m working on it.

My goal: balance my humility and vulnerability so that I can share my life, through writing, personal conversations, and beyond, without compromising either. I know that comes with understanding of my own limits and of the true meaning of both. May God ease this task and allow me to be successful in achieving humility and confidence in my vulnerability.

–IH

Ohhh, Transitions!

I detest change. Even to the slightest degree. Once, years ago, I came home from school and had to study for exams that week. I was stressed out and exhausted and was running on coffee (which I hate) and little … Continue reading

Adulting is Hard

 

This year, 2016, is a year I have looked forward to for a long, long time. It is the year that I  graduate from grad school; the year I start my big girl job; the year I move back home. And as much as I have been looking forward to this year, as much as the past few years have been truly difficult and life-draining and as many times as I prayed, through tears, that this year would come as easily and painlessly as possible, I find that I am very terrified for everything to come. School, the only consistent feature of my life thus far, will no longer be a part of my life. I can no longer use the shield of school to protect me from my adultness.

The sad, scary truth is that I’m an adult and there is no way around it. Adulthood came quickly and unexpectedly and after years of being dependent on others, financially and otherwise, I am expected to be independent. Just like that, I am thrown into the world, feeling overwhelmed by all the brand new changes I am about to experience. My fears are a result of the new array of responsibilities I have, of continued pity (read more about that here), messing up, and ultimately fear of losing the element of learning in my life, which can result in the loss of purpose and direction, if not dealt with properly.

I realize that I am blessed to have worries such as these. And I realize that despite how independent I am expected to be, my true dependence lies on God. I find comfort in knowing that He will guide these new challenges, and when I think this way, my fears turn to excitement and empowerment. I know He’s got my back, inshAllah. I pray that He allows me to develop a schedule that will allow for life learning beyond my career and that He grants me people in my life who will push me towards Him and towards success. That He gives me the strength, patience, and guidance to create a new life that will sustain me spiritually and push me towards becoming a better human in every regard, inshAllah.

وَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ ۚ وَكَفَىٰ بِاللَّهِ وَكِيلًا

And rely upon Allah; and Sufficient is Allah as Disposer of affairs.

[Quran 33:3]

-IH

Dimensions of Me

The fact that I am writing to you in English already falsifies what I wanted to tell you. My subject: how to explain to you that I don’t belong to English though I belong nowhere else -Gustavo Perez Firmat As … Continue reading

Sunday Morning Musings 2

*I am thinking about making this a regular segment on the blog, since Sundays seems to be the days I wind down and gather all my thoughts. “Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house so … Continue reading

Sunday Morning Musings

As I’m getting older, advancing in my studies for my future career, and meeting people who are crucial to my life, I am learning more about myself and the world, daily. I try to have a positive mindset, always, but sometimes I need to remove the rose-colored glasses to see the world for what it is so that I can live accordingly. I have been deeply hurt, particularly the past year, as I have studied and examined the injustices in the world. What hurts more is not that these injustices occur, but rather that millions of people around the globe do not care, or even know, about them. While some suffer an unimaginable suffering, others worry only about the fun things they will do tonight. It is our responsibility, as fellow residents of this earth and as humanity, to fight for justice, or at the very least acknowledge its absence.

–IH