I’ve never been one to care much about birthdays. In fact, the past few years, I’ve made it my mission to divert attention from my birthday at all costs, thinking that I’m officially old. I’ve spoken about getting older before … Continue reading
A poem I wrote almost exactly two years ago, while in my last year of grad school. Seeing a couple give their savings for their own healthcare as the provider stood by waiting for the gains, hit me me harder than I would have ever imagined. –IH
You stood in line in front of me
Wearing your old, blue baseball cap
You began digging for something I couldn’t see
But soon I learned it was a map
But not the kind with cities and roads
to help you find your way home.
No it was a secret code.
You see, we palpate lymph nodes
In radiology we learn about the cathodes
And their role
in making a diagnosis
We look for oral pathosis
But to you none of that matters
Because this map you carry
Disguised in wads of hundred dollar bills
All meant for the woman you chose to marry
In your journey together going uphill
You were working to fulfill
her health needs as he drilled
with his meticulous hand skills
And I could tell–
Because your wife wore a spring jacket
in the dead of winter–
that you were humble
Your words were but a mumble
And in his mind I heard the rumble
And my heart began to crumble
Because like Ms. Trunchbull
He didn’t understand this mumbo jumbo
of being a hard worker.
As merely an observer
I knew you had to persevere
to get to this point, right here
And the fact that he simply doesn’t care
Is not fair
and why am I choking back tears
A stranger I have never spoken to?
But he is privileged,
Never worked for a dime
Got what he wanted every time
It came to him as effortlessly as this rhyme
Because he had the time
and money to learn about the enzyme
that breaks down GI chyme
never had to worry about the climb
to monetary success
and I guess
that this puts me in distress
Because I know what it takes to progress
And I must confess
that this brings memories suppressed
of that time I was asked to join
As they sat there counting coins.
We’ve not posted anything in over 9 months. We started this blog in our early twenties. It was much needed at the time. It began with our monthly themes that helped us get through some tough times. Then it slowly transitioned to writing on certain events that happened in our lives, or expressing major thoughts we may have had. The evolution of this blog has much to do with our changing selves. Recently, we’ve both been busy with life. The past year and a half have been home to some major life changes for both of us, including ending significant chapters, beginning new ones, and for both of us–moving to new cities. Unfortunately, we still don’t live in the same city and though it’s been rough, we’ve come to the realization that we may never live in the same city at the same time. At least not in this dunya.
We plan to keep this blog and watch it evolve with our lives as we progress. There are still major life changes on the way for us both, so we’re not promising monthly posts, like we were with the monthly themes. We may post multiple times a day, or not for months at a time. Either way, we invite you to stay tuned if you’d like.
Alhamdulilah. All praise is due to Allah.
For so long there was so much uncertainty in my life. And although there will always be uncertainty, I have reached a state of stability that I had only ever dreamed of. The past few years have been some of the most difficult of my life. However, the past twelve months, despite the difficulties of change, have served as a saving grace. Some moments were bittersweet, but sweet, nevertheless. And each one plays a crucial role to my future.
Most importantly, I have proved to myself, first and foremost, that I am capable. I have harbored so much doubt over the years, that I often questioned my potential. God has graced me with confidence in my work, in my education, and in every aspect of myself, that was never there before. He has allowed the tears of the past few years to clear my vision so I see the world as I do now–terribly magnificent.
It was as unlikely as finding a teardrop in the ocean.
It was as majestic as the beautiful, broken language you speak.
So exquisitely crafted by our Creator that nothing could have hindered its existence.
It bore a promising seed
That is intricately decorated with faith and blessings.
It is adorned with simplicity and ease.
It shines with His light.
You shined so majestically as you glimmered upon the water beneath giving mirrored life, Defining the thick clouds below as you contrast against the dark sky behind you. Your bold brilliance send sparks of rainbows that colors a yearning soul … Continue reading
Sometimes I fear writing on this blog because if I share too much information about myself, even if the number of readers is small, then I risk:
- Losing my humility: I like to keep to myself a lot. When I work hard for something, I do it quietly and it only becomes public when there is no way of hiding it. I try my best to do everything for His sake and I fear that talking about it, in person and on this platform, may seem to others that I am showing off. I put a lot of effort in making my intentions pure and I do not want to tarnish that.
May Allah allow everything I do to be done with pure intentions and may He always remind me to be humble while being confident.
- Being vulnerable: sharing too much of my personal life causes me to put my guard down and makes me feel defenseless. I have written multiple times about this subject and I have learned from Brene Brown in her book, Rising Strong, that showing vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. I have improved a lot with this aspect in my personal life, and in the past few months, that has been reflected in some of the topics that I have chosen to write about on this blog. My blog entires have lessened recently and a big part of that is that I have been going through a lot of major changes and sharing my feelings, my struggles, my emotions regarding all of these new changes will cause me to be vulnerable and that scares the crap out of me. Even sharing this bit about vulnerability is terrifying, but I’m working on it.
My goal: balance my humility and vulnerability so that I can share my life, through writing, personal conversations, and beyond, without compromising either. I know that comes with understanding of my own limits and of the true meaning of both. May God ease this task and allow me to be successful in achieving humility and confidence in my vulnerability.
I detest change. Even to the slightest degree. Once, years ago, I came home from school and had to study for exams that week. I was stressed out and exhausted and was running on coffee (which I hate) and little … Continue reading
Like a teardrop in the ocean
We are lost,
navigating different lives.
But, with full conviction, I believe
that we will be directed
with one another.
This year, 2016, is a year I have looked forward to for a long, long time. It is the year that I graduate from grad school; the year I start my big girl job; the year I move back home. And as much as I have been looking forward to this year, as much as the past few years have been truly difficult and life-draining and as many times as I prayed, through tears, that this year would come as easily and painlessly as possible, I find that I am very terrified for everything to come. School, the only consistent feature of my life thus far, will no longer be a part of my life. I can no longer use the shield of school to protect me from my adultness.
The sad, scary truth is that I’m an adult and there is no way around it. Adulthood came quickly and unexpectedly and after years of being dependent on others, financially and otherwise, I am expected to be independent. Just like that, I am thrown into the world, feeling overwhelmed by all the brand new changes I am about to experience. My fears are a result of the new array of responsibilities I have, of continued pity (read more about that here), messing up, and ultimately fear of losing the element of learning in my life, which can result in the loss of purpose and direction, if not dealt with properly.
I realize that I am blessed to have worries such as these. And I realize that despite how independent I am expected to be, my true dependence lies on God. I find comfort in knowing that He will guide these new challenges, and when I think this way, my fears turn to excitement and empowerment. I know He’s got my back, inshAllah. I pray that He allows me to develop a schedule that will allow for life learning beyond my career and that He grants me people in my life who will push me towards Him and towards success. That He gives me the strength, patience, and guidance to create a new life that will sustain me spiritually and push me towards becoming a better human in every regard, inshAllah.
وَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ ۚ وَكَفَىٰ بِاللَّهِ وَكِيلًا
And rely upon Allah; and Sufficient is Allah as Disposer of affairs.