This year, 2016, is a year I have looked forward to for a long, long time. It is the year that I graduate from grad school; the year I start my big girl job; the year I move back home. And as much as I have been looking forward to this year, as much as the past few years have been truly difficult and life-draining and as many times as I prayed, through tears, that this year would come as easily and painlessly as possible, I find that I am very terrified for everything to come. School, the only consistent feature of my life thus far, will no longer be a part of my life. I can no longer use the shield of school to protect me from my adultness.
The sad, scary truth is that I’m an adult and there is no way around it. Adulthood came quickly and unexpectedly and after years of being dependent on others, financially and otherwise, I am expected to be independent. Just like that, I am thrown into the world, feeling overwhelmed by all the brand new changes I am about to experience. My fears are a result of the new array of responsibilities I have, of continued pity (read more about that here), messing up, and ultimately fear of losing the element of learning in my life, which can result in the loss of purpose and direction, if not dealt with properly.
I realize that I am blessed to have worries such as these. And I realize that despite how independent I am expected to be, my true dependence lies on God. I find comfort in knowing that He will guide these new challenges, and when I think this way, my fears turn to excitement and empowerment. I know He’s got my back, inshAllah. I pray that He allows me to develop a schedule that will allow for life learning beyond my career and that He grants me people in my life who will push me towards Him and towards success. That He gives me the strength, patience, and guidance to create a new life that will sustain me spiritually and push me towards becoming a better human in every regard, inshAllah.
وَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ ۚ وَكَفَىٰ بِاللَّهِ وَكِيلًا
And rely upon Allah; and Sufficient is Allah as Disposer of affairs.