OUTing my INsecurities (Pt. 1 IH)

Some people are so sure about everything they do. Even when they have no idea what they’re doing, their confidence is reassuring.

The best example of this is Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). Despite people being against the message he was spreading at the time, he was always secure in the belief that God would take care of him. In one incident, when the Quraysh were searching for the prophet to kill him, he hid out in a cave with his companion Abu Bakr, and instead of worrying that they would find him, he was fully secure in his beliefs and knew that Allah would not forsake him. And surely, Allah sent a spider to spin a web at the entrance of the cave to protect the prophet and Abu Bakr. When the Quraysh saw that the cave was blocked by a spider web that must have taken days to spin, they turned away because they thought there was no way that anyone could be in the cave. The prophet didn’t know how, but he knew that one way or another, he would be okay. He was confident about this.

Today, many people have a similar confidence, however I am not one of those people. I doubt myself a whole lot. I doubt my capabilities and I doubt my decisions, often. I worry a lot and I get very anxious when I don’t know what I’m doing or when I am unsure of certain outcomes. The May monthly theme was about attaining that confidence and security that the prophet (PBUH) had. And subhanAllah it seems that Allah always tests us with our monthly themes. He tried me with multiple circumstances that really pushed me to work on that security and confidence. One circumstance, in particular, was when Allah brought righteous people into my life. I always strive to surround myself with good people so I found myself being conscious of my behaviors, planning my actions, the things I said, and every detail of my surrounding to ensure that I seemed as righteous to them as they were to me. All the while, I was constantly doubting myself; but with every doubt, I learned that these things are out of my control and if I wanted to see the true results then I needed to stop planning and stop doubting and believe that Allah would take care of the situation. And that is exactly what He did. For every plan I made, Allah made one that was better for me than I could have ever imagined. With every doubt, Allah gave me assurance. The more I stopped trying to control the situation, the easier Allah made it for me until it reached a point where He unfolded the situation in such a way that it was exactly what I was looking for–righteousness. How much more secure could I get? Just when I started to give up hope, Allah showed me just how wrong I was. He taught me to be secure and confident because He will work everything out exactly as it’s supposed to be worked out.

Everything is in Allah’s control and everything that is meant to happen to us is written–it is fate. So one thing that I learned through this monthly theme, and that I am still continually learning, is that I need to stop stressing about everything. No matter how badly I want something, worrying about it will not make it come any faster and it will only deprive me of my own peace of mind. I learned that I need to trust in Allah, know my limitations, and believe that whatever happens is truly for the best, even if I can’t see it now. That is true confidence. That is true security.

–IH

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