Below is a guest contribution from a friend who would like to remain anonymous. Remember, we are always accepting guest contributions so if you are interested in submitting a post, please contact us. –AIH
Life is challenging and interesting at the same time.
I used to blatantly trust people. I remember being 18 and so naïve and trusting. I loved that time- a time without worries and having parents by my side. My father showed us what a real man is. I always remember instances of how he came home with hands full of grocery bags. When I was young, these particular instances made me think that all men are providers of the family and that they can be relied on. Even though my mother worked, she worked mostly for herself without worries on how to provide for family. I grew up with the notion that the role of a male is to be the head of the family and to provide for the family.
Back to my thoughts on how naïve I was. I got married really early- 18 years old, to be exact. Before that, I was always surrounded with people that wanted to be around me, and I loved the attention. I fell in love for the first time with a guy and I thought he was my everything–the center of my universe. I thought he was so intelligent and smart and I adored and loved him with all my heart. I used to run to pick up the phone when he called and I would talk to him for hours, listening to him and thinking what an excellent person he was and how lucky I was to have him as my soulmate. Eventually, we got married. To be honest, I loved everything about our new family. I tried to give myself to him 100 percent and do what he wanted and care for him. I loved him with all my heart and we never seemed to get enough of each other. I remember thinking how happy I was; I remember thinking how great things were.
People always say that the romance period lasts for a couple of months and then reality hits. It is very true, I can tell now. We were young, we were naïve and stupid, we thought we loved, but people grow and change everyday. Yes, he and I became different people. I was looking for his attention and, after six years of marriage, he stopped giving it to me. I thought that I was doing something wrong and I became very cautious on how to express myself to him. That was the major indication that our marriage became doomed. I started to become insecure. It felt like we were living in the same place as roommates, not husband and wife, but roommates. He was pursuing his career and I was pursuing mine.
We simply grew apart.
We were both annoyed with each other all the time and we hated being together. I started to have insecurities regarding myself and I started to question what I did wrong. In simple reality, none of us benefitted from such a “marriage” and we were retrogressing rather than progressing.
I cried a lot. I loved that person so much but I was rejected by him, in a sense. Imagine: a young girl moved abroad to be with the “love of her life”, as she thought. She had no parents, no relatives and not to mention a small baby that she had during this marriage—yes, it is me.
Time flies fast. Time heals, people say—wrong! Time just covers those wounds slightly, but deep inside the heart is beating and feeling the same way.
Looking back, now almost 27, I can say that I grew so much as a person. I defined my goals and dreams, but sometimes I still wish I was that little naïve girl again without bitterness and scars embedded deeply inside.
I saw him twice, very briefly, when he had to take our child for visitation. He became a stranger to me and I realized that I never knew that person before. He became one of those faces that you see every single day and pass by. He became nothing to me, but my heart still aches and I have some anxiety when I do see him. Although, I realize he is a stranger. Life is so complicated.
Life is so strange. I occupy myself with reaching my dreams and goals. I have been trying to not let myself think of him for two years now, but I feel like I should. I should help my heart heal by secondary intention, rather than leaving it to be healed by primary. It is time.
As I compiled my random thoughts, my message here for everybody is to learn how to let people go; how to confront your feelings rather than hide them and how to help your heart close the wounds.
My message here is to teach you to become the person you want to become. Life is strange and hard but there is somebody in this world that is the exact key to your heart so let go of the key copies and find the right one.